moving in with mom after dad died

As much as I want him to be happy, Im upset with what happened to my mom for him to become happy & I feel like a traitor for even talking to him. On him or may be happy for grieving over and dating as caretaker but. You can petition the court to be named executor. I have felt exactly the same way weird even down to the comments- but it is my mom that accessed a dating site 3 1/2 months after my stepdad for 25 years passed suddenly and unexpectedly. Shortly before my dad died, I was having dinner with my cousin Brittany, whose own father had passed away just as she graduated from college. WebMy father is dating after my mother died - Find single woman in the US with mutual relations. Stranica je vlasnitvo grupe nezavisnih CaliVita distributera. My father has no friends so thats why hes so desperate to be with her. She was so quiet and boring, nothing like my mom at all. I have been lucky because he hasnt tried to cram her down my throat, although it feels like that living with him. WebAnswer (1 of 3): Well you can't bring him back , but be there for her, if she does irrational things support them, trauma is the hardest pill to swallow I know. I wish you great success in love, motherhood, and life. Me and my father both were not there. LIke she was trying to eliminate signs of my mom in her own house like she was fixing my moms stuff because it wasnt tidy enough. We took it very hard, to say the least. After so many years we do not feel we can cut and run. Remind her she's still got family, that she's not alone. She has a daughter the same age as my daughter who she surrendered to Child and Family Services because the girl was molested by her (the moms) ex-boyfriend and his son over a period of several years. They seem to have no interest in having any relationship with my husband and me, not even a superficial one. Sorry for rambling on! At 15, I lost my mother to a 2-year long battle with cancer. I dont want to be old and alone. She wonders how long this will last until we accept her. You probably do not have. For me this is not a game but it seems to be for him. Without warning years later she sneakily bought her own house. Now a word to those of you that think your dad or your mom or whoever is moving on too soon, and cite for evidence it has only been 2 years, or 5 months, or 1 year, or whatever. I decided I was going to finish school for her and myself (which I did!). She struggled with cancer for over 2 years. He invited her in. he took her to eat at my daughters favorite restaurant, not a month after my daughter died. That was almost 3 years ago. My mom will not let us help her with anything, but rather wants to call all the (male) friends my dad had to help her. Told my parents to come here and live at not charge except maintenance and taxes on house , and that they could stay there forever. Our only choice would have been to cut our losses. She sent us cards on my mothers death anniversary or birthday and was SO sympathetic to us. Like I really want to hear that crap!!!!!!! ET (Eastern Time) Monday to Friday, or between 10 a.m. and 6 p.m. The crazy part is they all had both parents in their lives. Being issued with a guest towel was terrible. We get together once a week for dinner but even that lately seems like he is only doing that cause he has to not cause he wants to have dinner with me. Go grocery shopping with her cook with her go see the movies. You need to figure out how to be self-supporting instead of relying on me to take care of you. The people who have been talking about the rights of the adult parent to move on however quickly are not seeing the whole picture. We have both tried to move very slowly in terms of being around them. He drops everything for her,he sits all afternoon with her oap pal,has tea or dinner with them,we were lucky if we had 1 meal a week with dad at table. The day that I had to meet my fathers new girlfriend. She was my best friend and i miss her everyday. Dont do it only for appeasing the feeling of familial obligations. This has just happened to me I am bereft. My point is that these experiences kept me going, and the memories you create will remain in your heart forever. When you meet alone, you should tell him how you feel excluded from his life & how hurt and sad you are. He is treated like a toy that gets discarded when the child is bored and he allows her to show no respect to his daughters. People I trust who Ive spoken to about this all say the same thing, to develop some kind of communication with the girlfriend. It was ridiculous. So very sad. It has been 14 years full of ups and downs, and all of us kids have had a tumultuous relationship with my dad. My dad is furious that his brother isnt warm and loving towards his wife, and has been demanding that my sister have nothing to do with him or his wife and said he would have nothing to do with us if we stay in contact with them via threatening emails, and phone calls. Honestly, Id rather stick a fork in my eye than talk to her. They had lived in a small house near But I had to handle it all the planning everything, the video. You have every right to be feeling absolutely appalling right now having lost your Mom and with everything going on with your father and being told that you should cheer up because things could have been worse for your Mom is so uncaring. I defy anyone to say that this does not demonstrate an obscene lack of decorum and sensitivity. Trying to "solve" her problems for her didn't work. Ive heard there is evil in the world, this is the first person Ive ever met that falls into this category. I am surrounded by my mothers belongingsall the knick knacks she loved to look at, I now have a daughter who looks and acts just like my mother did, and I am having to cope with my father bringing another woman into the home he made with my mother. accepted her just so long as we acted as if we did. Thank you to everyone for sharing their stories and opinions. I understand that, but it was still entirely too soon when he began a relationship months later, she moved into our house and slept on my moms side of the bed less than 6 months after my moms death, they were quickly engaged and married less than 20 months after my mom had died. August 31, 2013 at 11:59 pm. I encouraged him to go? Then in the late to early 2016 my Mom started loosing weight, Then she went to a gastric doctor who did test after test and said he saw nothing. He said tonight you will not win this you will not run my life. 1 Corinthians 13:4-8. I was not happy, them my Husband and I were going to dinner for out anniversary and brought her. We hope is dying, and dating after my children that, child after all our posts. One room for 3 people, one of which being a baby is just not enough. It just takes work; maybe lots of work, but you can do it! Incidentally, upon hearing I had taken the pills my father said two things. I believe that a photo of a late husband or wife has a place in a new home. It has made my grandmas home a horrible memory now and I really dont know what to do cuz this just isnt right, thanks any suggestions appreciated. Murdaughs wife, Maggie, and son, Paul, were found fatally shot on the familys Islandton property on June 7, 2021. I was emotionally exhausted. I know that my Dad has left the land surrounding his house to me and my brother. My dad just expects me to accept her and she might even be moving in to my house in the next few months which I rather live on the street than live with her. I say that because too many people operate as though their actions and choices have nothing to do with their family. I didnt mean for this post to get so long theres a lot Im not even saying.. does anyone have any advice on how to get through to the most stubborn man in the world and help him see that the choices hes made have made things more difficult, and now he is only making it worse? The complete opposite. I invited my dad so my friend could help him improve his dance skills so we could dance together. I have always felt he could have waited longer than 5 months after my moms death to date and move in with another woman, I believe it was in very poor taste, and he did not honor his and my mothers relationship by doing so. People of all ages show complete selfishness and display the behaviour sometimes associated with petulant teenagers! I kept asking Dad to find someone that liked his family..he chooses not to be alone. From her arrival on the scene we were told like you were, that no issues we had counted at all and it was non-negotiable. Dont try to justify it. I have a sister who is 20 years older and she told him it was all too soon and he should consider everyone elses feelings but he said he was entitled and really proved he could not have cared less what anyone thought. They were married 34 years good relationship. give them time and space. Then on Thanksgiving he brought her to my house. That was the only time they called the girls last year. Sharing time together helps us during our grieving period. While they were gone I went to the house and the girlfriend had packed up a ton of my Moms things. Your email address will not be published. Its not report and elsewhere. I feel that his relationship is a violation of my mothers memory because he is better to this woman than he ever was my mother. I could never come into a situation with the full support of the grown kids. So how, after your few months of experience, do you think yourself qualified to predict your feelings years into the future? He marries another old family friend. The pain may fade but it will not go away. Over these three years ive feel as the world is a very lonesome place without her and what i thought was a tight family was false. I have done my parents bills since 1977 but when I was extremely sick in 2014-2015 he told me he would take care of them. Everything went fine and there really wasnt much that stood out about her and part of me was happy that he found someone to spend time with. Follow My dad passed away from throat cancer in Feb, just 4 months ago. He basically just uses his and my moms house to sleep in. 2. You are still very young, and it's a very early age to lose a parent, so take time for yourself too. He was not the only person to conclude thus. She has to work now. I dont know how to cope with this, I just keep hoping that she will leave my dad like because she does not deserve the amazing man that he is. e treats us is certainly not making me happy. above their children, and (2) aggressively reprimand the children for being selfish. She used to visit her sister, and when my dad was out, they would talk. He cant do anything right in her eyes. Is this legal? Give me a break. However, the horrors of the past and the selfishness and defence of the indefensible behaviour make visiting and caring all the harder. I never excepted her at first, but then I excepted her and things were pretty all right. But if you dont, youre taking the risk that in 35 years youll end up where I am with a family destroyed by his selfishness and sham relationship. Its April now and my dad has a new girlfriend he wants me to meetwow. My mom died in 2005 and my dad went on a date 3 weeks later. When she gets upset, she doesn't eat, and really the only reason she cooked was for my dad and us. Dear Therapist, I know that everyone is going through loss during the coronavirus pandemic, but in the midst of all this, my beloved father died two weeks ago, and Im reeling. Murdaughs wife, Maggie, and son, Paul, were found fatally shot on the familys Islandton property on June 7, 2021. Generations will suffer. No one will understand what we widows/ers go thru unless you walk in our shoes. My Mom died December 5th, 2012. It is never too late to join a grieving group. She would have loved the attention he is giving to his girlfriend. Im even more upset about that than I am about my Dad trying to hide what has been going on with this woman. After his passing my mom received survived benefits for my two younger sisters whom were minors, fast forward to mid 2022, I had a baby, & my husband & I were looking into moving out. I havent even gotten to the worst part yetshe is currently caring for her terminally ill husband! So I am a girlfriend of a Widower. And the whole time he was here, he was watching the clock and couldnt wait to leave to get back to her. I believe that women look to the male figures in their lives as being strong and courageous. 2) little or no regard for your dead wifes family and their grief especially after they were there to support both of you before, during and after her illness; SInce then, my dad aquired another lady. Weakness is not an excuse and happiness is not always about ones self. I have been dating a man who lost his wife to cancer and let me tell you I feel like I have committed a major crime for dating this man so soon after his wife died. We have told him that they are not ready for this. This was on August 26. Within 4 months of her diagnosis, she was gone! When I moved out for college, my parents relationship began to change. It was exactly how I feel and sadly where I am at. Only told 1 sibling..I found out by mistake totally devastated.she has been hiding it and has now come out once again without telling her children and 4 stepchildren.the total disregard for feelings, honesty and integrity has consumed me and destroyed our relationship = perhaps for good. One thing I must emphasise to you is that you have nothing at all to feel guilty about and the fact that you are is as a result of your fathers behaviour. The ironic thing about this is, if heaven forbid, the lady he is dating now were to pass away, how long does SHE think it would be before he were dating a new one? It is evident that this woman was just waiting for my mom to take her last breath before she jumped. I was polite to her and to my dad. He doesnt acknowledge or appreciate any of the things that we do to try to make his wife feel accepted by us, he just dwells on what we dont do. Its disrespectful and rude. Of course, now he says the cruise has absolutely nothing to do with my mom and doesnt know why I think it does. From what he tells me she has helped him through a difficult time and how can I be happy knowing that he is not. With all due respect i have lost both my mama and daddy and i do understand where most yall are coming from, but hear some very selfish comments. I had and my sister definitely had because she was a paramedic. That was okay until she abruptly told him they shouldnt see each other any more. I feel like you. This has been going on for almost 2 yrs. While my situation is not quite the same as yours, I did feel that the woman my Dad married was pushed on him by his neighbor. She is a horrible woman. And on top of this, if you actually read everyones comments, most of these people want the parent to be happy, but they are just not ready to meet their parents new friend. I told him there is no solution and its something we are going to have to deal with as issues arise. This is a different time of your life, a different love. 9 Likes, 0 Comments - Life Coach (@lindadrosdowech) on Instagram: I was struggling after my dad died with my moms dementia, extended family issues, and oh yeah, Im glad I found this, too.. Im glad to know Im not alone.. And also by the looks of the stories, mine is not quite as intense as others. One thing that has changed my perspective over the years is from whom is duty owed. Dont expect me to be part of your relationship. Obviously, a liver issue meant the cancer was in more than 1 organ by the time she knew. My father started seeing another woman about 5 or 6 months after my mother passed away and the sad part is the lady has known my family for years and has been our church member for years. It was and is extremely hard to cope with. Brother will also owe the estate or trust, the PRs reasonable attorneys fees. She may start getting rid of. My dad, who is almost 74, is also just realizing that he is aging and I think he is grabbing for something to make him feel young and vital again, and this new exciting relationship is doing it for him although it has broken his daughters hearts. On the ride home, my dad asked, What do you think of my friend? But my brother was living with his girlfriend for four years and my father still called my brothers girlfriend a friend so the semantics dont tell me anything. I just dont know what to do because every since this women starting calling my father has been drinking, and then I have to deal with him being drunk on top of everything else. I was raised after my brother passed away at 26, that you can not expect someone to remain alone in life and to support them in their choices. This woman is playing him, I feel sure. Im pretty sure she felt offended, but she was trying to smother me with affection that was not reciprocated and I felt might not be genuine but just something to make her look good in front of my Dad. All we want is to be happy and I definately do not want to replace the much older kids mom. Of course, you are taking the risk that there will be a family split and you will get the blame. I am torn. You will know who the good ones are. My sister does not like her because she thinks they were going together before my Mom even died, or soon after and kept it a secret. However, and this is the crux of the matter- it is my father from whom I am owed a duty of care and not from her. I know it is 2017 now, and I too have lost my mother and have a 76 year old father who was comforted by a lady 10 years older than I and 10 younger than he, but no one can really understand the pain that comes in seeing your father with another woman after 55 years of marriage. I cant pretend to like someone. You are the Girlfriend so you would not understand how their children feel. He bullied me into selling them, yet I never even talked with anyone to sell them. Ellen is divorced and has two adult sons from her previous marriage. God bless you all. The loss is still immensely painful. Your email address will not be published. Dad was burned badly on the face and arms, but survived. She formed a social bubble with my sister and her daughters, so they enjoyed Sunday dinners together. During this period I recommend that the complete family join a grieving group. He once sent me a live version of Glen Campbells MacArthur Park and noted: Just listen to the bridge from 2:00 minutes until 4:20. When my mom died, my biggest sadness was not for myself, but for my dad. I cant just tell him about it because he hasnt told me anything about this. Its up to him. I realize that you cant always make everyone happy and eventually you have to be in charge of your own happiness, but it is important to talk with those close to you and try to understand what they are feeling and also the reverse, have the children try and understand what the spouse is feeling. Everyone needs someone, whether it is a best friend, a significant other or a sibling. However, and hobbies that morning. Mum shocked to be called. I found her to be disrespectful & a very good liar. What a huge insight on your part, death has made you more understanding and aware, not less. Not only did he lose his mother but his stepdad was living it up laughing and smiling as if hed won the lottery. What to do? Why treat your living parent and new partner like dirt? Are they just suppose to just live their life around their kids and other relatives without a mate. Margaret "Maggie" Murdaugh and her 22-year-old son Paul were both killed in June 2021. Know that there is someone in England who is thinking of you and hoping you find your way. I never got to really have my father to myself growing up and even more now. I ran home with my friend several paces behind me to ask my father to help. I cannot advise you to cut the ties. She has made Dad chose between his family and hers. Before this woman was in the picture I was treated as equal and my opinions and input mattered and where often times asked for. We have to live it the best we can and not have regrets later on. I will say, that I do believe that everyones time of grief is differentwhether its short or long. We all brought pizzas over and his girlfriend brought cookies & fudge, etc. He does not dare ask if she will be staying for a few days. If you're including internet then that's another $100, I was paying the whole houses phone, so its about 6 lines and then also if they had purchased phones so I was paying off their phones too. I have tried to explain to him how I feel and I think he just gets upset and really doesnt understand. Giggling and judging other people to make themselves feel superior. I am in the same ship as most of you. Now that times are hard, hes working at Wal-mart and my father-in-law is working the original shop and his girlfriend is having high success at the second shop. We had offered to have my Dad live with us and had been planning renovations and adjustments to our home. Its almost like hes loving that he gets a new woman. Did your dad leave money for her retirement? They do not ask themselves Am I willing to sacrifice the love and trust of my family (by refusing to wait and consider their feelings) for the buzz I am getting from this stranger I barely know and may not end up with? He was not there for my husband as my husband went through the grief that his mothers death left. I didnt want to but I thought Id try to be nice and meet her. She is a horrible stupid butt who my dad even called psycho the other day yet continues to torment me with putting her shit all around my mothers moms house who of course both are dead. Me & my sister who actually own the house these deadbeats are living in. So many of you have stories that resound with what is going on in my life right now. Its really a nightmare. My mom passed away quickly from a rare cancer 2 months ago. And mind you im her only niece from my mom.She had a spots car she lost. He didnt tell any of us- he just did it. I think he expects both the families to just blend together like the Brady bunch and I dont think thats ever going to happen. My parents were married for 44 years. I am not even one bit curious about her and I never ask any questions. It has been like this for 3-4 months. My dads wife wont let us have 1 minute alone with him. Our kids are simply amazing, they truly are. The only person responsible for your happiness is you. So I now inhabit a house with them and their infant daughter. While you may feel alive and aglow this poor family are aghast. I basically have had to wash my hands of the situation. But, as a 13-year-old who had only ever lost a goldfish, I wasn't well-equipped to help her talk through her trauma. Shes actually a neighbor, and lives in her sisters house, 1 court down from my dad. So, please continue to allow yourself your grief, but also proactively seek the healing support from others and also through new experiences. Mom also takes pride in being independent and not putting any pressure on her children to take care of her now that my dad is gone. Whatever it may be, it will do nothing but hold you back from opportunities and moving forward in life. I call him and try to keep in touch and he gives only one word answers to my attempts at conversation. Though he is willing to let his wife push you out of his life, he wants to see his grandchildren. This whole matter has made me sick and disgusted. so far from my realm of understanding or reference. to get him to see that he is trying to shut down his grieving process because it hurts too much. We suffered with them too as well as all the family members. He still is helping me with money and will send me checks to help me pay for things since Im completely on my own now but the dad that I had growing up is pretty much gone. I just hope that you could open your mind to someone new in your life, understand that they are not trying to replace your mother or father.

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