short funny affirmations

I sometimes might be too much, but I am always enough. 180+ Positive Affirmations For Kids To Boost Motivation And Confidence A perfectly executed joke, said at a right time and at a right place, can change an awkward situation into a comfortable one. Life is becoming easier and less serious. Im multitasking: I can listen, ignore and forget at the same time. Well, I guess I have to be odd to be number one. Life is always rocky when youre a gem. I am just making myself capable enough to live in the moment. 164. 213. Sarcasm is a tool of highly intelligent people and if you're one of them (I bet you are), you're going to love these funny affirmations that are filled with humor and sarcasm.I'm sure you've heard a lot about affirmations, what they do and why you should start using them daily.They are a powerful to. Never take life seriously. Youre born free, then youre taxed to death. Because if you can put a smile on your face with a little humor, I guarantee that youll feel some weight come off your shoulders.f. And in that moment I swear I still didn't give a shit. Not sure who to credit this meme to, but kudos. As I become responsible, I have got more powers. 108. My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. A committee is a group that keeps the minutes and loses hours. 2. Funny Affirmations. Required fields are marked *. The best way to appreciate your job is to imagine yourself without one. Oscar Wilde, 5. You can stop driving me crazy, I can walk from here. I bet giraffes dont even know what farts smell like. I said no to drugs, but they just wouldnt listen. 182. Yes, officer, I saw the speed limit, I just didnt see your car. I make a difference by showing up fully. 15. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. I hate Mondays, Tuesdays, Wednesdays, Thursdays, and half of Fridays. If you think your boss is stupid, remember: you wouldnt have a job if he was any smarter. John Gotti, 6. 183. The most important aspect is being honest with yourself and opting for a meaningful statement. Why cant you trust an atom? 3. Dont forget to drink water and get some sun. 217. Papercut: A trees final moment of revenge. What doesnt kill you makes your drinks stronger., 10. How do astronomers organize a party? My past is just a bad book that deserves to be in the trash., 9. 7. Common sense is like deodorant, those who need it the most never use it. P.D. 184. 214. I like my thoughts how I like my whiskey, always glass half full. I dont care! Why cant you play cards on a small boat? What do you get when you cross a fish and an elephant? 178. 8. Waiting until the movie starts to eat your popcorn, hardest thing in the world. 219. Look, youre smiling! HAM AND EGGS A days work for a chicken; A lifetime commitment for a pig. I tell you what always catches my eye. I lost some weight once, but I found it again in the fridge. 30 Short Daily Affirmations for Living Your Best Life - Healing Brave I am so worthy so that I am filling the life of people with fun and joy. I am sorry not everyone will have the pleasure of knowing me. - Catherine Pulsifer. 192. If you cant remember my name, just say chocolate and Ill turn around.. We have divided these daily funny affirmations in these sections; Also check out our post ondaily affirmations for womenandaffirmations for menthat can help you to feel motivated and reshape your limiting beliefs. Quotes To Inspire You (MLK), 80 Life Gets Better Quotes To Brighten Your Day (Hope), 50 Bad Luck Quotes When You Feel Ill-Fated. 171. Most of the articles that Ive written about affirmations are about more serious topics: Lets keep things a little lighter in this article shall we? "You have to be odd to be number one.". Self-love is the greatest middle finger of all time., See also: 210 Killer Self Love Captions For Instagram To Lift You Up. Heres a list of funny affirmations that will improve your mood instantly. I dont go crazy, I am crazy. What did the blanket say when it fell off the bed? "Life is like a roller coaster pic - scary at the moment, funny looking back.". Whether its because of a bad breakup or just feeling really down, there are ways to look on the bright side and come out on top. 120. Be careful when you follow the masses. It is, therefore, safe to say that, sense of humor can help you become successful in whatever you choose to do in life. Funny Affirmation Quotes - ShortQuotes.cc "My funny vibes attract my happy tribe.". My goal this weekend is to move, just enough so people dont think Im dead. Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. Always remember youre unique, just like everyone else. A mind is like a parachute. Leave me a if you agree! 109. 60 Happy Friday Funny Memes Day of the Week - FunZumo Ken Dodd, 255. Life is like a very long TV show, without a remote control. 1. This is because, in order to be funny, there are certain details that need to be perfectly delivered. 30. Whenever I am sad I go to my favorite place, the fridge. All you need is love. If I want a squirrel to like me, I guess I gotta act like a nut. 7. 226. Im in desperate need of a 6-month vacation, twice a year. I am too lazy to be lazy. Some when they enter, some when they leave. Why is England the wettest country? We have a connection. 241. Sand for the children, sun for the wife, sharks for the wifes mother. My bed is a magical place where I suddenly remember everything I forgot to do. I didnt mean to push all your buttons, I was just looking for the mute button. To err is human, but to really foul things up you need a computer. 249. Short Funny Quotes. Cell phones these days keep getting thinner and smarter; people the opposite. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. Pardon me, I have 6 pounds of boneless mass to get rid of. It can get you out of a tight corner and people who lack a sense of humor cannot do. 13. I am transforming into someone who is outgoing and makes others laugh. 255. I am fine. 211. 254. 1. All my life I thought air was free, until I bought a bag of chips. Socrates. Short people with an umbrella. 279. If you are looking for a way to get more laughs in your day, try some of these funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. 86. 100. Ben Hogan. A gummy bear. When shit hits the fan at work, I turn it into fertilizer., 10. I love the moment when the coffee kicks in and I realize what an adorable badass I am going to be today., 12. It makes them so damned mad. You can make friends and have good relationships if you believe in your sense of humor and fill your mind with funny and positive thoughts. Stressed spelled backwards is desserts. Bill Murray 62. Sometimes the M is silent. - Bob Hope. 66. Enjoy! I have no time to worry; I have to be awesome. Robert A. Heinlein, 243. Stop texting me in the middle of texting you, now I have to change my text. 203. Whatever you must do todaydo it with the confidence of a 4-year-old in a Batman cape., 2. I am at peace with my body and accept it as it is. A gummy bear. 115. Car Dealership: The best way to get back on your feet, miss a car payment. 265. I'm Sergios Rotar, a 21 years old personal development enthusiast. 276. 32. Batwoman: single. Envelope. I dont need a hair stylist, my pillow gives me a new hairstyle every morning. 33. 79. My funny vibes attract my funny tribe., 3. Albert Einstein Im not arguing, Im just telling you why youre wrong. 161. My future is a golden, sparkly, explosion of fucking awesomeness. Ted Turner. Not saying I hate you, but if your face was on fire and I had a glass of water, Id drink it. The most important thing to remember when using positive affirmations is that it is all about how you feel. 23. The only power you have is the word no. When you fall, I will be there to catch you with love. Life begins on Friday night. Every time I like the taste of the food, I am damn sure that its unhealthy for me. 149. When, in fact, we must be optimistic and supportive of ourselves. 20 Funny Positive Affirmations for Self-Esteem 6. What happens to a frogs car when it breaks down? 215. Life doesnt have any hands, but it can sure give you a slap sometimes. Positive affirmations kind of set the way how your day will flow. A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. 134. I heard a great joke about amnesia but I forgot it. Without further ado, let's look at 20 funny affirmations to build your self-esteem. Its okay, he woke up. 145. 14. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. 250. No one is immune to self-sabotage, heartbreak, loss, and failure. Today I was a hero. 52. 187. Cry a river. 267. 40 Short Positive Affirmations + Free Printable - Dare Your Lifestyle I am tough and resilient. I just go normal from time to time. ". Dont drink to forget me, youll end up seeing me double. Your email address will not be published. My dream job would be the Karma delivery service. Be like a pineapple: stand tall, wear a crown, and be sweet from the inside., 11. I did not trip and fall. 96. Our toaster has two settings: too soon or too late. Did you hear about the kidnapping at school? Why is Monday so far from Friday, and Friday so close to Monday? Remember: Dont Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river. Next up is a collection of funny affirmations that will make you love yourself more. 1. These funny ideas are smart and a bit sarcastic and will bring a smile to your face. Focus on the positives and be grateful. 224. 3. Before using these amusing affirmations, you should believe in your sense of humor. 171. The library, because it has so many stories. One thing you need to remember though; if you are going to be funny, then make sure youre actually funny. Steven Wright They have shown me exactly who I do not want to be., 15. Benjamin Franklin 134. You wanna know who Im in love with? But you're not as old as you're going to be.". I walk in the direction of what feels good for my soul. Every weekend I do what I love most, absolutely nothing. I am thankful for all the problems I dont have. Take a dose of encouragement from your positive affirmations whenever youre feeling down. Robert A. Heinlein First, the doctor told me the good news: I was going to have a disease named after me. Emphasis on the cool. I tried, but they wanted cash. I keep moving forward even if my pants come off. Let us know which of these motivational affirmations inspired you the most. 274. Maybe if we tell people the brain is an app, theyll start using it. Bill Murray Excuse me please, I have to go hide a treasure. 228. Yeah, so is a grenade. Not me, but somebody does. Enjoy! Microchips. Pleasing everyone, thats impossible. 8. Nobody gets out alive anyway. 53. The thing is, Im still getting ready. Dont make me laugh, Im trying to be mad at you. I solemnly swear that I am up to no good. A best friend is like a four leaf clover, hard to find, lucky to have. Lifes biggest struggle: I need to pee, but I dont want to get out of bed. It will have a positive effect on your mind and body, and form an association between affirmations and a happy feeling. Monday I shall slay thee with me mighty cup of coffee. Diet rule #1: If nobody sees you eating it, it doesnt contain any calories. I never apologize. It just plain forms. Its a door, thats how they work. Women and cats will do as they please, and men and dogs should relax and get used to the idea. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. You can simply try out one of our funny options, or think of affirmations that best match your sense of humor. Affirmations are an opportunity to be honest with ourselves and recognize that we have a treasure trove of power and creativity within us. Whoever invented knock knock jokes should get a no bell prize. God heals, and the doctor takes the fees. The future is shaped by your dreams, so stop wasting time and go to sleep. 93. I will not let my mind be a bully to my body. 8. 237. Bill Murray People wont be going to bed thinking about that one bad joke you made. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. I could agree with you, but then wed both be wrong. Today, I acknowledge the time I have spent over the week. 243. Trust me, your secrets are safe with me and all of my friends. I put my phone in airplane mode, but its not flying. If only common sense were more common. I will create my own magic like my name is J. K. Rowling. 104. My legs are so sore from the gym that I almost couldnt walk to the donut shop. 57. When life closes a door, just open it again. Good morning! 100 Positive Affirmations for Kids (and Why They're so Important) 135. Im amusing and make the people around me happy. My wallet is like an onion, opening it makes me cry. Its called tomorrow. I can always think of something funny to say. Czech proverb, 261. These kinds of things just come with the territory if youre trying to live a meaningful life. If Monday had a face, I would punch it. 148. 196. Even on my worst day, Ive still got 24 hours., 6. 195. The rhythm of the weekend, with its birth, its planned gaieties, and its announced end, followed the rhythm of life and was a substitute for it. I really should do something with my life, maybe tomorrow. I am lazier after accomplishing the motive. What do you call a bear with no teeth? 228. 90 Funny Affirmations To Start Your Day With Laughter (2023) Love your enemies. On Mercury, a day lasts 1,408 hours. 181. Honolulu, its got everything. 60 Short & Funny Motivational Quotes to Laugh About - Wealthy Gorilla Decomposing. To anybody I hurt this year, I just wanna say you deserve it. What starts with E, ends with E, and has only 1 letter in it? 163. 43. I radiate calmness and tranquility, with a little side of body odor. ( @malacollective) Fear and adventure go hand-in-hand when you're following your dreams. 7. 80 Funny Quotes To Make You Smile | Shutterfly - Ideas & Inspiration Milton Berle, 245. "Whatever you do, do with all your might.". 270. 16. You may have people laugh at you instead of with you. Some people are like clouds. If Cinderellas shoe fit perfectly, then why did it fall off? My room is like the Bermuda triangle, stuff goes in and is never seen again. 2. - George Burns. Ive been doing nothing for years. So with that being said, heres a list of funny affirmations to motivate you to come out of your comedic shell. You can also think of your affirmations while you work, drive, do yoga, or simply enjoy time with friends. People only rain on my parade because they are jealous of my sun and tired of their shade., 14. 69 Funny Affirmations To Lighten Up Your Mood Hence, avoid using past or future tenses. I am passing all the things and hardships with a smile. I eat cake because its someones birthday somewhere today. Tell the negative committee that meets inside your head to sit down and shut up. 199. Dave Barry 201. - Billie Burke. .People who enjoy making other people laugh are also known to be more detail oriented. Frances McDormand, 42. I am grateful for the healing power of humor. Because they make up everything. So, here's our compilation of funny work quotes that are perfect for every workplace: Image Source: Unsplash. Im not insulting you. I have Alzheimers bulimia, first I eat everything in sight and then I forget to puke. 225. I often wish I was someone else Just so I could hang around with someone as awesome as me. 78. Opportunity does not knock, it presents itself when you beat down the door. We'll get to that later. You can tune a guitar, but you cant tuna fish. 87. 219. There might be affiliate links on this page, which means we get a small commission of anything you buy. - Christopher Reeve. Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city. They planet. We all have baggage, find someone who loves you enough to help you unpack. 234. "You're in mint condition for a vintage model. Since not all of us are blessed with the ability to throw a joke the right way, we thought of helping you out by giving you these ridiculously short funny quotes. Whats the best thing about Switzerland? 142. Hes dreaming too. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. Relationships these days start by pressing LIKE on her photo. For beginners who still struggle with letting their voice out, I recommend starting with funny affirmations that will relax you and make you laugh. My silence spoke a thousand words, but you never heard them. I wonder why spiderman narrated it the other way round. I can always be fatter. When life gives you melons, you could be dyslexic. Youre not tequila., 5. I am naturally cool, calm, and collected. Because so many kings and queens have been reigning there. I am happy and joyful.

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